One of the questions that confuse even “advanced” parents is how to discuss the subtle and sensitive topic of sex with their children.
When to start? What is the word for “it”? How not to deceive a child with omissions – and at the same time not tell him the details he does not need now? Victoria Lyubarevich-Torkhova, a psychologist of the project “Honey, we are killing children” on the STB TV channel, will help us figure it out.
Get rid of fear
When parents are embarrassed to talk with a child on a similar topic, he immediately feels: something is wrong here. Therefore, it is very important to educate … ourselves. That is, get rid of fear, liberate yourself and tune in to trust.
When to start sex education? The answer may surprise you: immediately after the baby is born. And this follows logically from what we have just said about emancipation. After all, while the child naturally accepts everything that is said to him, he still does not have embarrassment and complexes. This is a wonderful period to get used to the fact that you can talk with your baby about everything. And by the time the child is aware of everything, you will have already coped with your embarrassment.
By the age of 5, the child is already actively interested in his body, asking questions about the differences between boys and girls. If this does not happen, this does not mean that he is not interested in such things. Most likely, the parents simply did not talk to the child, and he already perceives this topic as taboo. After all, children very quickly feel the awkwardness of their parents – and begin to fear that such questions will anger them.
And the less they talk about it at home, the more children try to get information outside the family.
What words to use
Are you embarrassed by the need to describe “the process itself”? Wait a minute. To begin with, we will talk about the differences between boys and girls. The child must know how it works, what the parts of the body are called. And just as you tell him what his hand consists of (phalanxes of the fingers, for example), it is worth talking about the genitals. They also need to be called by their proper names.
You should not use pseudo-terms and metaphors, as they liked to do before, talking about storks, cabbages, pistils and stamens. You need to be honest with your child. Only information should be dosed, simpler, while the child is small. And gradually expand with his maturation.
For example, young children aged 4-5 years old should be told that when a boy grows up, there are cells that look like worms, they are called spermatozoa. And girls have eggs. And when they meet, a miracle begins – gradually, over 9 months, the child develops.
From about 6 to 11 years old, you can talk about sex, adding more and more information – but in such a way that it corresponds to the individual intellectual development of the child. Moreover, the topic of sex should not be “lonely”: when you talk about it, do not forget about love and fidelity. Tell me that sex is an expression of one of the highest feelings.
How to raise boys and girls
Boys need to be raised to be responsible. Explain and, if possible, show your son how a man takes care of a girl. If there is no dad in the family, pay attention to how men in films do it, acquaintances. Tell him that when meeting a girl, he should think about what he can give her, how to provide, what help to offer. The task of parents is to teach the guy to treat the girl with respect, to take care of her not only verbally, but also in deed.
It is important to raise a girl in respect for herself. For dad to tell her how beautiful and tender she is, to show her what she deserves. So that her mother taught her to be caring, to create comfort. If parents teach a girl to respect herself, she will not allow her to raise her hand or persuade her to have sex without a condom. She will understand that if a guy really cares about her feelings, he will first of all take care of her health. And she will be fully ready for sex not earlier than 18 years.
